Tami and I (Todd) can point to dozens of relationships that have stood the test of time. They have persevered through many trials and remained steadfast through all kinds of tests and temptations. No one could argue that these couples are committed to one another. Sadly, though these relationships are model of commitment, they lack luster when it comes to romance and love in ways that are beyond commitment. Over time the color of their love has faded. They have commitment but have lost romance. They have companionship but no real fascination with one another. Why does this happen to so many relationships? What’s the solution?
When it comes to marriage advise we don’t normally think of the New Testament book of Revelation as our go to point of reference, but a close look into the book will reveal that Jesus used a lot of wedding/marriage illustrations and imagery in an effort to inspire and correct the churches. He masterfully wove bride and groom/husband and wife correlations so that it would be easy for us to understand how Jesus views his relationship with the church (his bride). Jesus’ words therefore, are as good relationally for husband and wives as they are spiritually for the church.
Read Revelation 2: 1-7
Here we find Jesus complementing the church for faithfulness and longevity, just as I have admired it in so many of the relationships I see around me. The one issue or problem he has with the relationship, seems to be found in the fact that they mistake strong commitment for strong love. They aren’t the same thing and the relationship suffers from believing they are.
What’s the solution?
Jesus calls for correction in three steps.
- Remember = Consider how far you have fallen!
- Repent.
- Redo = do the things you did at first
Remember – reminisce! Look at the old photos and slides. Retell the stories and more importantly, recall the feelings you had for one another in those early days. Remember sights, sounds and even smells of those former days. Recall the way it felt to discover new things about each other. Go back and explore your relationship roots and visit the wonder that was there in the beginning.
Repent – turn back toward God and each other. The act of remembering will likely reveal points of distraction and departure. Ask for forgiveness and reset your hearts toward one another. Commit to turn away from other things that have called for too much of your focus, time, touch and attention.
Re-do what you used to do. It’s not good enough to just remember, if we are to return to our first love we have to return to/re-do what we once did. Don’t just talk about how you used to write love letters, actually write them again. If you had a way of showing up unexpectedly with a small gift, do it again! If you used to drive all night just be there sooner…put the car in drive, and take the early flight. Do what you did before and if you can’t do it exactly as you once did it – find a new expression of the old thing.
If Jesus spoke to you about your marriage would he say that you’ve lost your first love? If so, let him be your marriage coach! Take his advise spiritually and relationally; Remember, Repent, and Re-do. Consider how far you have fallen, repent and do the things you did at first!
“Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first…”
~ Revelation 2:5 ~
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