Encounter: Eye Contact Challenge
There is an old saying that “the eyes are the window to the soul.” While not a biblical quote, it captures something profoundly true about human relationships.
Long before we speak, our eyes communicate.
They reveal joy and sorrow.
Hope and fear.
Confidence and uncertainty.
Love and longing.
You can often learn more from someone’s eyes than from their words.
Jesus frequently looked at people before He spoke to them. The Gospels tell us He looked at the rich young ruler and loved him. Peter was changed by a single look from Jesus after denying Him three times. Our eyes communicate attention, compassion, acceptance, conviction, and love in ways words often cannot.
When you married your spouse, you probably spent a great deal of time looking into one another’s eyes. Over the years, however, life fills our calendars and our conversations until we spend more time looking at screens, schedules, and responsibilities than we do each other.
Extended eye contact can feel surprisingly uncomfortable.
That’s normal.
In many ways, the discomfort comes from allowing ourselves to be fully seen. Intimacy requires vulnerability, and vulnerability is where deeper connection begins.
Research has shown that sustained mutual eye contact can increase feelings of closeness and is associated with the release of oxytocin—the hormone commonly connected with trust, bonding, and attachment. Simply slowing down long enough to truly see one another can strengthen your sense of connection.
As you look into your spouse’s eyes today, remember that you are seeing more than a face.
See Their Past
These eyes have witnessed childhood, heartbreak, victories, failures, laughter, tears, and every experience that has helped shape the person you married.
See Their Present
These are the eyes of the person standing before you today—carrying current hopes, pressures, responsibilities, dreams, and needs. Choose to truly see them.
See Their Future
These are also the eyes of the person they are becoming. God is still at work in them, and together you are still building a marriage that can stand the test of time.
Your Challenge
- Sit or stand facing one another in whatever way feels most comfortable.
- Remove distractions and silence your phones.
- Set a timer for 2 minutes.
- Simply look into each other’s eyes.
- No talking. No whispering. No joking. No breaking the silence. Just be fully present with one another.
The first minute may feel awkward.
Stay with it.
Breathe.
Smile if it comes naturally.
Allow yourself to truly see—and be seen.
The goal isn’t to stare.
The goal is presence.
Couples Encounter
Eye Contact Challenge
Sit or stand comfortably facing one another. Press begin, remain silent, and look into one another’s eyes until the chime sounds.
Make sure your device’s media volume is turned up.
Debrief Together
When the timer ends, spend a few minutes talking.
- What was that experience like for you?
- What emotions surfaced?
- What did you notice about me?
- What did you feel while we looked at one another?
- Did anything surprise you?
Finish by thanking God for the person standing before you and asking Him to continue shaping your hearts—and your marriage—for years to come.